- IN TODAY'S POLITICAL NEWS:
I don't think there's anything else to be said...
- ANYWAY... IN TODAY'S NARCISSISTIC CELEBRITY NEWS: Lindsay Lohan is filing a law suit because - follow me on this - someone else has dared to name a baby Lindsay. According to sources at Yahoo! news "Actress and professional party girl Lindsay Lohan sued E-Trade for $100 million over a commercial that features a baby named Lindsay. Ms. Lohan contends that the ad, in which the baby Lindsay is referred to as a "milkaholic," capitalizes on her name and is clearly based on her. Ms. Lohan's lawyer contends that her client has "elevated 'Lindsay' to the same sort of one-off recognition status as 'Madonna' or 'Cher". When asked to comment, Lindsay slurred to me "take that you *@!#&% baby", just before she passed out over a nearby toilet. I felt some sense of obligation when Lindsay (no longer Lohan, just Lindsay) asked me to hold her hair back; I only felt this obligation in fear of being sued for millions of dollars should I let her now, jet black, locks fall into her regurgitated alcohol.
- IN TODAY'S JOB NEWS: According to a column written by small business owner, Jay Goltz, who ownes five small businesses in Chicago, he has found an unprecedented way to have happy employees: "I fired the unhappy people". Well, I for one applaud Mr. Goltz. I mean, I don't think unhappy people should be let out of the house, let alone let into a business, small or otherwise. This approach has worked in the past, if you readers will recall. In the 1930's through the '40's, one guy decided he really only liked blond haired, blue eyed people, who share his beliefs. Unfortunately, Jews, ethnic Poles, Romani, Soviet civilians, Soviet prisoners of war, people with disabilities, homosexuals, Jehovah's Witnesses, and other political and religious opponents really weren't this guy's style. Being entitled to "his (or her) opinion", old Adolph got rid of all those irritating people. I'm sure it must have been a lot less stressful at work once all those bothersome people were gone. Early Christians also shared an opinion of the type of environment they want to be surrounded in, which didn't include non-Christians, Indians, poor people, sun worshipers, midwives, medicine men, witches, or anybody that was just minding their own business. Finally they were able to get rid of a bunch of opponents too and everyone was the better for it. So what does Jay Goltz have to say about all this? He states "This is only my opinion. I don't have a Ph.D., an M.B.A., or even an economics degree. What I do have is a happy company. And that makes me happy. Now I know some people argue that business is about making money, and not everyone has to be happy. That is also an opinion. Everyone has a right to his or her opinion. When you own a company, you also have the right to surround yourself with the people you choose". With profound wisdom like that, who can go wrong. I think there are some good morals to this story. 1.You should be happy. 2. Jay Goltz likes to be happy. 3. If you are employed by Jay Goltz, be happy or you will be punished. 4. Everyone has a right to his or her opinions, but this is Jay Goltz opinion, and he has a right to his opinion; be happy or else.
- IN TODAY'S "I'M A GENIUS" SECTION: According to an article by the Associated Press, " Authorities said a 30-year-old-man showed up so drunk for his sentencing for drunken driving that he missed his hearing and now faces even more time behind bars. Authorities said Jason Botos was driven to the Papillion courthouse on Thursday by his father, who needed help from deputies to get his son out of the vehicle. Prosecutor Ben Perlman said Botos was so drunk he couldn't attend the hearing, so the judge issued a warrant. Deputies arrested Botos in the parking lot". Personally I think they should give this guy a break. I mean, after all, he DID show up for court. I am sure he was not specifically told not to be drunk in court. AND, Mr. Botos seemed to have learned a lesson about drunk driving all on his own; he let his dad drive the car this time. Come on people, where is the justice in this? Jay Goltz will be defending Mr Botos in court where "everyone better be happy, or else".
- AND FINALLY, IN TODAY'S WOMEN'S ISSUES: DON'T BE A VICTIM. This story has been brought to my attention by alert reader Tena Coleman-Dupree. This story shocked me in ways too numerous to mention. A local woman went to see a new doctor. Unfortunately, it seems that the doctor was a sleeze ball. According to the woman, the doctor, who had commented on how beautiful she was, asked her to remove her skirt and he started rubbing her thighs. He asked her if she knew what he was doing and she answered yes, he was checking for abnormalities. After a minute, he told her to take off her shirt and bra. The doctor started rubbing the womans breasts and asked her if she knew what he was doing and she answered yes, he was checking for cancer. At this point, the woman began to feel uncomfortable. What happens next is not intended for underage readers. Next the doctor asked her to take off her panties. Once she had, this scandalous doctor started having sex with her. At that point he asked her if she knew what he was doing and she replied "yes, getting herpes, that's why I'm here".
- Y'all have a groovy day filled with purposeful enjoyment and merriment. Hurry! Go! There isn't much time left!
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