mostly untrue news 6th edition

• IN TODAY'S "GUYS CAN BE REAL CREEPS" SECTION: Serial Killer wins on dating game-show. (CNN) -- Before he was a convicted serial killer, Rodney Alcala was a winning bachelor on "The Dating Game" in 1978. " Alcala, who already had been convicted for the 1968 rape of an 8-year-old girl, was the first contestant to be introduced in the game-show episode", according to CNN reporter Gabriel Falcon. Alcala won the game but later was rejected by the girl. Which just goes to show that some women can be a bit shallow and overly judgmental. Within months after the game-show, Alcala abducted and murdered a twelve year old girl; later he would be found guilty of killing four women and one child. Apparently the rejection of a game show contestant was really hard on him. I'm certain that had the girl gone on the date with Alcala, he would have turned out to be something nice, like an orthodontist. I think we have all learned a lesson from this story... I'm just not sure what it is.
  

• IN TODAY'S BAD SONGS LIST: I'm currently listening to Seether, of the hard rock genre, singing Careless Whisper. You know, "I'm never gonna dance again/ cause guilty feet have got no rhythm/ Though I know you're not a fool/ it's easy to pretend... This song was sappy and hard enough to listen to in 1984 when George Michael crooned his way through 18 rounds of the chorus over the wailing of a saxophone. Admittedly the Seether version of this song sounds better, however it loses some of it's syrupy emotional turmoil when growled over electric guitars and punk rhythms. The only hard thing to imagine is the band's lead singer Shaun Morgan, who looks like this: could be persuaded to dance with anyone unless she has a penchant for headbanging; which should not be a problem for guilty feet, due to limited space in a mosh pit. I applaud the effort though and hope to soon hear Black Sabbath's remake of Beauty and the Beast (Disney version).

• IN TODAY'S CELEBRITY GOSSIP: The singers of Naughty by Nature became ok with O.P.P. In a statement from their PR spokesman the group has decided that "getting down wit'"Other Peoples Property/Pussy/Penis is a good idea as it promotes tolerance and acceptance.
  

• Fred Fairbrass of Right Said Fred is taking a more humble approach these days. Since the song, I'm Too Sexy came out, Fred has been berated due to the fact that he is not all that sexy. He admits he was actually never too sexy for his shirt, cat, car or Milan, he does still consider himself too sexy for a number of things including his elevator and parking tickets. Critics everywhere are hotly debating whether Fred is too sexy for Japan, citing that though he may not be too sexy for Japan he might be too tall for Japan. Fred disputes the critics that are everywhere; his argument for being too sexy for Japan is that he "saw it once on TV and definitely concluded he was too sexy for that country". Japan has offered to fly Fred to the country and compete for the "too sexy" title but Fred only laughed and said he had nothing to prove. Japan called him a "booger nosed scaredy cat".

• AND FINALLY, IN TODAY'S WOMEN'S ISSUES: I can't be the only female to notice that around 30 years into ones life, one starts having dysfunctional body parts. I only bring this up because this phenomenon is causing me personal discomfort. I have had a cough since January that has progressively gotten worse. I am now having to constantly wear sanitary pads because now when I cough, I end up with urinary leakage on my personal body. To say the least, this problem can cause discomfort in the area of personal scent. I cannot imagine why all those muscles that are affected by Kegal exercises are not doing their job. If any alert readers out in the big world wide web has an explanation for this, I would love to hear it. For now I suppose I will have to settle with a Sam's Club bag of Depends and hope against hope that urinary leakage will be the only problem my traitorous body treats me to this month.

Thank you for reading and have a day. (I don't believe in putting undue pressure on you to have a "great" one).