Mostly Untrue News: mostly untrue news 3rd edition

FIRST IN TODAY'S NEWS: This reporter is trying to come up with better titles for her posts. Helpful and tasteless comments would be appreciated by alert readers.

IN ENTERTAINMENT/SPORTS NEWS: According to a recent post on Yahoo! news anyone can make fun of flamboyantly gay male figure skaters AS LONG AS the jokes are ORIGINAL. Here is the article for for further discussion:

Canadian commentators fail to cool it with Johnny Weir jokes

If Scotty Lago has to excuse himself from the Olympic scene for buffoonish behavior, maybe broadcasters should have to, too.

The Canadian Press reports that the Quebec Council of Gays and Lesbians is going to make a complaint about French-language RDS, whose commentators Alain Goldberg and Claude Mailhot decided to go for the gold for trading in stale Johnny Weir jokes.

The pair called Weir "a bad example" and suggested he go through gender testing, like the runner Caster Semenya. After all, in no way is the latter a touchy subject.

RDS's apology addressed "tactless comments on the appearance and manner of a figure skater." The crux of the grievance, though, was the comparison to Semenya, the Canadian Press says:

[T]he mea culpas are insufficient, according to council president Steve Foster.
"They only apologized for the comments they made on his outfit," he said Saturday. "We hadn't even asked for an apology for those remarks. It's the rest of the comments: on his masculinity, his femininity, the fact he should skate as a woman."

Who knows what makes professional broadcasters think racial or sexual humor is acceptable? Being able to read off a teleprompter doesn't make you Russell Peters, pal. For the record, here is how the wire service reported it:

"This may not be politically correct," Mailhot said during the segment, in which Weir ... was shown sporting a semi-sheer, pink-and-black costume he designed himself.
"But do you think he lost points due to his costume and his body language?"
Goldberg replied that Weir's feminine style may reflect badly on other male figure skaters.
"They'll think all the boys who skate will end up like him," he said. "It sets a bad example."

Well, at least Mailhot qualified it may be inappropriate.

"In the earlier RDS coverage of Weir, Goldberg and Mailhot also brought up South African runner Caster Semenya, who was forced to undergo gender testing following her 2009 win at the world track and field championships in Germany.
"We should make him pass a gender test at this point," Goldberg said, and Mailhot then jokingly suggested Weir should compete in the women's competition.

Brutal. The point is that broadcasters don't have the right to assume everyone watching agrees with their own strict definition of manhood. Stick to sports.

"Hockey Night in Canada" had a representative of EGALE come on the show last year for a discussion after Mike Milbury made his "pansification" remarks. Perhaps RDS should think about granting equal time.

Meantime, let's have a call for a total Johnny Weir joke moratorium. Not because the jokes are politically incorrect, but because they're stunningly unoriginal. Move on.

Come on you nasty Canadian's get your own jokes in. At this very moment Johnny Weir humorists are patenting their material in an effort to keep money in their pockets and original jokes on the minds of all Canadian commentators.

IN TODAY'S KARMA SECTION: Nasty Canadian's get what they deserve:

Canada really feels Hollingsworth's hurt

By Neate Sager

Tears are not enough.

Much of Canada, judging by a Twitter-based instapoll, wanted to give Mellisa Hollingsworth a shoulder to cry on after she fell prey to Whistler Sliding Centre's notorious Turn 2, lost time and dropped from a silver-medal position to fifth in women's skeleton Friday night at the Whistler Sliding Centre.

"It's really hard," a teary Hollingworth told CTV. "I feel like I've let my entire country down. Obviously my friends and my family, I know they love me regardless but everyone in VANOC, Own The Podium, my entire federation, they've done so much for me. I just didn't do it."

What a way to end the first week for Canada, pending Jon Montgomery's result in men's skeleton.

It was compounded by coming early on a Friday evening with more people at home watching, expecting a medal that would help the country inch a little closer to the top of the medal count. It followed the Canadian Olympic Committee backpedalling to scale down expectations. In other words, Hollingsworth was set up, and then she made a couple big mistakes, which lets people believe whatever they wish about her.

So, it would probably misread the room to play up one irony. Some creeky Brits tweaked Canada earlier in the week for being more focused on winning the most medals than hosting the competition. Now Canadian fans' solace, notwithstanding any official protests about her helmet, is being happy for Amy Williams, who won Great Britain's first Winter Games individual gold medal in 30 years.

Nate Silver still believes the gold medal race isn't over, since medals are still up for grabs in curling, hockey and both long- and short-track speedskating, Canada's strengths. Take a little time for the zing-go-the-heartstrings part. It was a shame for Hollingsworth, but so it goes in a sport where one inch one way or the other is everything.

Yes, apparently someone tricked Canada into losing because they cannot come up with their own Johnny Weir jokes. All this reporter can say is MUWAHAHAHA!

IN TODAY'S SLEEZY GOLF NEWS:

Another golf apology

PGA Tour boss Tim Finchem took the blame for not briefing players about Tiger Woods.

I only bring this up because, follow me closely here, if I hear one more word about Tiger Woods and his briefs or lack of, I will light myself on fire. Yes, it is an odd way to get a point across, but something must be done.

AND FINALLY, IN WOMEN'S ISSUES: This actually made a spot on the news, seriously, I'm not making this up

Question: What is a cougar?

The short answer: A cougar is an older woman who is primarily attracted to and has sex with with significantly younger men.

Answer: The most commonly-accepted definition of a cougar is a woman 40 years of age or older who exclusively pursues very young men. The onset of the cougar years is hotly debated. Some feel that a cougar can be as young as 35, but women of this age would not be viewed as cougars unless their sexual conquests were no older than 25; the ten-year age difference seems to be an unspoken but accepted minimum between partners.

I, for one, am glad this "hotly debated" subject has finally come to a head and someone has found the answer. I had considered cougaring but realized I would have to date someone between the age of 10-20 years old, and decided I have all the children I can deal with at the moment. Male participants in this hot debate heartily approve of this hot debate but ask if they could please hotly debate in jell-o.