Mostly Untrue News 2nd edition

IN SPORTS NEWS TODAY: Johnny Weir made olympic history when he became the first male dominatrix to float on ice. He is interested in a fashion career when his ice skating days come to an end. Fashion mavens everywhere are buzzing about the fact that he may be able to pull off "skanky" even better than Brittany Spears. Here is just one of his fantabulous outfits:




yeah...
Anyway,
IN ENTERTAINMENT NEWS: The Big Bad Wolf (a.k.a. Fifi) is being charged with harassment by three pigs and a minor girl in a hooded cape. Fifi has been served numerous restraining orders by several persons unnamed, however, said wolf seems to have an unhealthy obsession with these two parties as described by physicians not treating the wolf. There are rumors that said wolf has "eaten" a grandmother. This strange sexual appetite may be associated with other mental illnesses as well.

Yesterday authorities finally condemned the Love Shack. The "shack" had begun to deteriorate in the mid '90's and has turned into nothing more than a "fire waiting to happen" according to fire chief, Kate Pierson. Authorities cited 52 health violations and hazard codes. Be that as it may, the owners plan to reopen as soon as possible and possibly rename it "The Love Ranch Style" as it may "produce a better sort of client" says Dan Was, who owns a portion of the condemned property. Dan also enjoys a bit of karaoke.

IN FEMALE ISSUES: Brittany Spears song "Hit Me Baby (One More Time)" was attacked by angry females as insinuating it is "ok to beat Ms. Spears". This song was written by, you guessed it... Gary Puckett!

AND FINALLY: This was actually an article in one of this reporters various news sources... we are not making this up.

HOW DO WE KNOW HUMPTY DUMPTY WAS REALLY AN EGG? THE RHYME NEVER ACTUALLY TELLS US.

Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall,
Humpty Dumpty had a great fall.
All the king's horses and all the king's men
Couldn't put Humpty together again....does not tell us at all that Humpty was an egg. However it's etymology has a number of variations, and it was in Lewis Carroll's 1871 book "Through the Looking Glass" (that used this rhyme), where the book's illustrator John Tenniel first drew Humpty as an egg, sitting on a wall.

An 1810 version of the rhyme also does not explicitly state that the subject is an egg because it was originally posed as the riddle as such:

Humpty Dumpty sate on a wall,
Humpty Dumpty had a great fall;
Threescore men and threescore more,
Cannot place Humpty dumpty as he was before.

Furthermore, "humpty dumpty" was an eighteenth-century reduplicative (linguistic root) slang for a short and clumsy person.

And to think I've been wasting my time thinking about Obama and junk.